Deciding Whether Divorce is Right For You
Copyright © 2009 StraightDivorce.com
Are you in a married relationship that is causing you a great deal of discomfort? Are you living a lie by staying in a marriage even though you know you are sacrificing your own happiness? Are you ready to make a change, but are fearful of ending your marriage because of the criticism of family, friends and possibly church? If so, the following article will provide you with a completely different perspective about divorce and may help you reevaluate where you currently stand.
Facing the Decision to Divorce
In todayís world, the number of divorces are practically surpassing the number of marriages. People are simply not willing to stay in a marriage that is no longer fulfilling or satisfying their most important emotional needs. In fact, when you consider the unhappiness and dissatisfaction that is so rampant in many marriages, itís easy to see why the divorce rate continues to climb. Yet why, if the pursuit of happiness is so much a part of the fabric of our lives, does society still frown on divorce? And why are we expected to stay in an often unfulfilled marriage for the sake of longevity? How sad that a decision made at one point in life, would oblige us to stay there forever.
The Answer to the Divorce Dilemma
For the purpose of this exploration, we are not addressing those marriages where couples change partners as often as they change clothes. Rather, we are seeking answers to questions about divorce when it relates to longer term relationships, especially if children are involved. It is for those people that the question of whether to stay or to go is most relevant. When facing the possibility of divorce, one of the most pressing questions is whether we should stay in the marriage for the sake of the children. Many people are fearful of leaving a marriage because they think as parents it is their obligation to do the right thing for their children by keeping the marriage together. They think that living together gives the children the security they need. But is that really so?
Considering the Children!
When we stay in a marriage that fails to realize the full potential of each person involved, what message are we sending our children? If we are not truly happy where we are, isnít it possible that children sense our discontent? They may not be able to put their finger on it but youngsters have a natural sixth sense, which allows them to know when something is wrong. What does it teach our children when we donít listen to our own calling? Do they learn that no matter how we feel, we should stick it out anyway? Are we telling our children that itís okay to remain in a relationship where there is no passion, no real love, no fulfillment? In other words, are we telling our children that once weíve made a decision, we cannot ever change our minds. Of course, our children need and should feel the safety and security of our love, no matter what, but couldnít we, as mature adults show our children that itís okay to go in a new direction, while still remaining emotionally, physically and mentally available to them? We may not all be under the same roof every day, but are we not capable of instilling security in our children through the love we feel for them, regardless of whether both parents live together?
The Expertís Advise
Experts advise us that leaving a marriage isnít the answer because we have issues about relationships and unless we work out our issues, we will attract the same person, only with a different face. Is that really true? Or is it possible that when we leave a marriage, we can independently work out whatever issues we may have and then choose differently? In truth, as we grow older and hopefully wiser, we find ourselves needing and wanting different things. What we were attracted to at age 25 is often not right for us at 35. Therefore, the choices we made were in fact right at the time, but as we grow and change, so too do our needs and our wants. Based on statistics, there are many people that get divorced and ultimately live happily ever after. Most of those would say that it was very difficult at first, but eventually they realized that divorce was the best thing that ever happened to them.
Divorce As An Option
Divorce is in fact not the worst thing in life. For the most part, those who divorce are not selfish or immature. They are not running from a problem; they are running to life. And although divorce in our society may continue to be associated with failure, when you consider it, what actually constitutes failure or for that matter success? Does staying together for the duration constitute success? Divorce is simply an option. Yes, it is difficult to break apart a relationship, especially when two people have been together for a while and children are involved, but itís harder still to stay in a marriage that is already totally over. Life is short and in truth, a passionate, connected relationship is a possibility. To have it, you just might have to give yourself permission to let go of the relationship youíre in and make room for something that more closely matches your needs. It takes courage to move on, but in the long run itís well worth it.